We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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