I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
