Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You've changed since you got that strap on
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
