I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
