i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
