I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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