gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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