I am midnight drunk by noon
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
