I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
