After last night, I could never be a politician.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Who died my cat blue again?
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