I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
