Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
