My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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