she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
