If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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