we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
