Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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