It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
