Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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