nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
