he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
