i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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