Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
