and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
