Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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