Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
