period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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