Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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