she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
