You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
