Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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