i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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