Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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