I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
