the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
