He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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