well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
