I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
