just tell him i said nine months
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just forgot I was standing up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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