I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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