doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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