Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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