wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
