you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize