you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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