It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Everclear isn't food dammit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
