When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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