Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
