dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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