I accidentally had phone sex last night
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize