he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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