We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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