I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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