let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
