Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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