what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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