the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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