It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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