My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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