I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Be still, my beating vagina.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
