I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
