Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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