I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
