i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
