was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
