I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
