Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
