He uses pillows to masturbate.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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