I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
