i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
