I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
