Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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