The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
