They should really pass out barf bags in church
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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