yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I believe in your delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize